These past two weeks have been lousy - weight wise. I have nothing to blame it on this time; even though I tried to think of something. In a word, disappointment - seems to sum up how I'm feeling regarding my journey.
For quite awhile, I thought I had been doing well. I was below 290 pounds at the time; which was great. If this trek were easy, I wouldn't be in this predicament of trying to shed the pounds in the first place.
In the past year, I have thought numerous times that maybe I should have had the lap-band surgery. I don't think I would pass the "tests" to get approved due to my past pseudo-eating disorders as well as the emotional overeater aspect. Then I pondered on the subject some more. One of the whole points of lap-band surgery is to reduce the size of the stomach by portion control. This is my perception of the surgery and how it's done and the results of that said procedure. I know I'm not a doctor, but I imagine I'm one in my other personality - just kidding.
Due to my thought process regarding the theory of portion-control versus the end result of the surgery, I came to the understanding that I could manage the whole thing myself, or at least try. Please understand this, I am in no way discouraging those who wish to proceed with that type of surgery. Personally, I wish to work on losing weight my own way. Certainly, there are pros and cons to any method you choose. I believe difficult decisions arise in any situations that are life changing.
Well, after I said my two cents worth (by the way, I don't have change); I have some things to work out in my pea-brain mind. The first is "how do I get back on track to get to those goals of mine?" The second is "why is it that I have these spells of difficulty?" The third is "how can I incorporate exercise without going too far (with pain issues)?" The fourth is "why don't I just shut up and quit over-analyzing everything!"
Seriously though, there are some variables that I have to find ways to deal with; boredom, false-hunger pains, having the munchies, emotions and just plain eating food that tastes wonderful and I just want more!
I just don't know. I thought about putting healthy snacks in small baggies. I also thought about those microwaveable meals called "one bite and it's gone!" Many people seem to have success rates with that; not me - I usually eat two or three meals to get that satisfaction of being full. So, that won't work. I decided to just "force" myself by just saying "no" - after I consume everything in my pantry.
Here is some good news on the exercise front. I saw the neurosurgeon for my back problem. He said that I don't need back surgery at this time; instead I will be set up to have something called "radio-frequency ablation." I did research on it and it means that I'll be able to tune into any radio station I want by turning my ears back and forth (as knobs)! Not really - I'm just kidding. The procedure "toasts" the nerves so I will feel less pain. Good! I hope it works. I do, however, try to walk more while volunteering at the hospital. This is in lieu of passing off the deliveries to unsuspecting co-volunteers of mine.
Now what? I am longing for the "new" me; one that could fit in an airplane seat or go onto an amusement park ride. As well as, I'd love to wear a nice swimsuit (well, I would hope so!) while sun bathing on the sunshine-warmed sand without being harpooned or thrown back in the water. Humor warning - don't mind me regarding poking "fun" at myself - I am truly harmless and won't 'bite' - I've had my rabies shot.
OK, I'll get back to being serious. I have good intentions to losing weight. Like I said, it is a difficult and daunting task and I'm prepared to keep going. I appreciate the opportunity to write this column. It provides me with that "drive" to try to do well (for me). It is certainly a wonderful perk to help others in the same boat and it truly inspires me to keep going. I'm grateful, thank you! Until next time ...
Casi Stewart can be reached at email@example.com. A Weighty Issue appears every other Monday on the Life page.