Can you believe how this year has seemingly flown by? The holidays are once again fast approaching with opportunities for family get-togethers, buffets, parties and so on ...
This time of year seems grand with all the festivities and I'm happy to partake; however, it is slightly clouded by sorrow and distress. I think these past few months of being slammed with all sorts of maladies and situations have finally caught up with me. Yes, I have been hit with the proverbial "fruitcake." I don't even like fruitcake! For those who know what or have tried fruitcake, it is very "heavy." The only good thing about fruitcake is the bourbon. Ha-ha.
Let me sum it up this way. I looked up the words "sorrow" and "distress" in the dictionary. This "very old" dictionary needed to be dusted off, including the spiders. Yuck. So, here it goes; from the "Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary" dating from 1985 (holy cow, that's old) the word "sorrow" is defined as "deep distress and regret (over something loved)." The word "distress" is defined as "to cause to worry or be troubled." That's pretty much how I feel.
As I have written over the past few months, a lot of stuff has happened. From my back surgery to the death of a dear friend; packing and moving to having a good "friend" move out of the country. Like I said in an earlier paragraph, I think it is just now hitting me. Not good timing.
There are some people who have recently lost loved ones or who are struggling with not having that family member present. I think it especially hurts during the holiday season. I'm not a psychologist, but I play one on television. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that everyone handles loss or change differently.
I, for one, am prone to over-indulging on foods that are not particularly on the "healthy foods" list. It is my way to comfort myself; but then I think, "You dumb idiot - what is the sense in eating comfort foods while trying to lose weight?" I don't know but I do think a lot of people struggle with the same thing I do.
I was watching television this past Saturday morning. My favorite cartoon, "Turbo Dogs," was on ... yes, I'm 40 years old and still like cartoons (especially those that end with a nice message). Yes, I am 40! What was my point again, now that I may have embarrassed myself? Oh yes, a television ad came on - I can't remember the specific name of the product but what they were selling astonished me. Their product was a "packet" full of something that you sprinkled on your food that would make you feel full and would eventually lose weight.
It made me think about the hype over weight loss and the quick fixes to achieve that goal. The reality is that it takes you! And you alone! Obviously, you would have your weight-loss support team, fresh fruits and veggies, and lean proteins. There are so many ideas and concepts out there that it gets confusing and enticing to get caught up in that utopia answer to everything. I even have fleeting thoughts about taking advantage of these options, but I always so, "no."
My problem is me. I do have that innate belief in comfort food and binging to make me feel better. That's not the answer and it isn't getting me anywhere. Yes, I did lose 19 pounds over two months. I'm very proud of myself. Unfortunately with everything going on, I feel that sorrow and distress and it did take a minor toll. I did gain back three pounds, so I'm 293 pounds. I am still proud of that number - for one thing; considering everything that has been going on, the weight gain could have been higher.
Exercise is a huge issue. I would love to go back to exercising like I used to at the YMCA. I loved having a personal trainer (he was cute, too - so I worked harder to impress him). Unfortunately, several health maladies popped up and made it more difficult to do the simplest of activities. Some say, "why don't you take advantage of warm water exercising?" That, too, I would love. My right ankle is an orthopedic mess, my left foot has a stress fracture, I have arthritis in both hips and my back is still recovering from surgery. I am hesitant to go to the pool. My feet are very weak and I think I would have difficulty with going back and forth to locker room from the pool area. I would love to do that new exercise, Zumba, eventually.
All of these limitations are extremely difficult for me to comprehend. As a kid and a young adult, I was very active. As some of you probably already know, not being able to do tasks that you once were able to do begins to wear on you.
There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (and it's all mine - gimmee, gimmee). I'm not as bad off as others, I do have the ability to at least eat healthy, and I try to maintain a good attitude with a dash of humor. My hope is that after I have ankle fusion surgery, I will be able to go back to an exercise routine.
Rest assured ... I'm still plugging along and I will fight to still lose weight even with those speed bumps along the way. Have a happy gobble-gobble day. Do what you feel is within reason regarding your personal health goal. Until next time ...
Casi Stewart can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. A Weighty Issue appears every other Monday on the Life page.