As tears abundantly flowed down my cheeks, memories of my prior broken ankle saga came flooding back. I try not to focus on the tears or the misery seeing as though I have just returned home after my ankle fusion surgery. "I have to get better," I thought. I need to take the real "blow" of the situation off my mind. Unfortunately, depression and despair set in, however ... I still make big and little decision each and every day. Whether it is trying to keep myself occupied by writing poems or journaling, as well as drawing. I also made decisions to get out of bed in the morning. Even little ones, such as brushing my fangs (aka - my teeth).
So, as I reiterate, I was home from the hospital(s), both Columbus and Marietta Memorial Inpatient Rehab Center. Like I said, I did fall into a horrible depression. Not only did I feel "lost," it was also accompanied by emotions that left me sad, clueless, internally motionless, and horribly bored out of my gourd (my head). With some clarity, came two thoughts ... 1. the doctor is working on fixing me and it was up to me to do the rest. The best way that I could think of is "mind, body and spirit." As far as my mind goes ... it's a mess anyway; so two out of three aren't bad. As far as my body is concerned ... it appears it is always under construction (which annoys me greatly). Well, I just got a neon green cast and I've been told you can see it from space! Last but not least ... my spirits ... and whiskey definitely does the trick. Hahahaha.
Back to reality. While I was recovering, I received many wonderful cards, phone calls, visits and prayers. All of these really helped lift me up - with a hoist that is. In truth, these kind, thoughtful actions encouraged proper mind, body and spirit recognition and gave me the urge to go on.
My second thought of clarity was that it is quite humbling to not be able to move at my discretion due to using a wheelchair and a walker. It is much more difficult than anticipated. I have now formed an even greater respect for those who are handicapped in some sort of fashion. I use this word "handicapped" in any fashion because these brave individuals do not believe they have a handicap. Instead, they embrace their way of life with a smile on their face. Their strengths of their ability are quite admirable in all their endeavors.
Now, I'll digress and remark on the stay(s) in both hospitals and how I did in therapy. In Columbus, I only had to stay one night - I'm glad because although this was a newer hospital, it seemed to me like a "Stepford Community." The place was just peculiar. I had already secured a bed in Marietta Memorial's Inpatient Rehab - I just needed a ride home. I did not want my parents to deal with that issue so an Ambulette transported me back to Marietta. Never, ever forget to use the bathroom before the ride. I think they had it in for me - every darn bump. Aaarrgghh.
Once I had gotten settled in rehab, they didn't waste any time without implementing some sort of therapy or assistance from nurses, doctors and aides. The reason why I primarily decided to go into rehab again is I stayed there for my back surgery recovery, so I feel comfortable with all of the staff and their procedures. Another reason was that I needed to learn how to get around and get stronger so I could be on my own.
This particular hospital rehab stay lasted 11 days. Within the first couple of days of my stay, I was experiencing nerve pain due to the surgery while (the nerves were) trying to rejuvenate. The pain felt as if I had stepped into a fire ant mound. They treated the nerve pain with certain medications, although I either felt dumber than a box of rocks or like I was Ms. Cotton-head (my brain felt nuked ... nothing unusual); it also made me feel like I was "not with it." My family would all agree - nothing unusual, also. I eventually went off of the medication and I felt so much better. Besides, the pain ceased anyway.
I thought my most recent experience was great. Unfortunately, once you get discharged, reality sets in and you're on your own and it's scary. I should clarify that as an inpatient, I did feel very confident and I worked hard. The staff took a wonderful, huge vested interest in each and every patient. I had a very positive experience (for my back and my ankle) and I definitely sing (I scare small children when I sing) praised for the unit. No, I'm not getting "paid" to say this stuff - so ... no comments from the peanut gallery!
I do look forward to the day when I can finally get back to exercising and participate in activities. Game on! Until next time ...
Casi Stewart can be reached at casichilstew@yahoo.com. A Weighty Issue appears on Mondays once a month on the Life page.
